Word's of Wisdom from Pixar

Last week BYU had a forum where Edwin Catmull, President of Pixar Animation, came and spoke to us. I look back and laugh because the events that happened following that forum had me looking at life thinking there’s no way I can accomplish my dreams.

In his address Catmull had many great one-liners, my favorite was: “If you aren’t failing you aren’t trying new things.” Little did I know this was foreshadowing the failure that awaited on my horizon.

I went to Chinese class and I failed. Big time. So big in fact I knew at that moment my ability to speak this language did not mean I was anywhere near being capable of reading and writing at a 200 college class level. After talking to my teacher and an advisor I decided to withdraw from the class. Technically it’s not failing, but at that very moment I felt like a failure. All my studying hadn’t paid off and I was no longer a full-time student. I also decided I wasn’t going to minor in Chinese anymore. What am I going to do with my life now?

“If you aren’t failing you aren’t trying new things.”

The words rung through my ears throughout the day. Then at the end of the night after salsa dancing with my boyfriend, he grabbed my hand and we ran outside, like Ben being chased by Jerry (an old cartoon reference for those of you sitting there like...ummm?). We stopped abruptly in front of a sign by the library and he asked me to read it out loud. My heart caught in my throat, as I choked out, “You can do hard things.”

I can do hard things. We can all do hard things. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. Catmull also said, “We don’t look backwards for excuses we look backwards for lessons.”

Sure I didn’t make it in Chinese 201, but you know what? I’m going to make it in Chinese 112 and I am going to figure out a way to change the world as I learn from each failure.

As Remy, from Ratatouille, said, “The only thing predictable about life is its unpredictability.”

First Week in the Real World

Sometimes I wonder if I am cut out for this world. This academic world of going to class, studying three hours for every one hour of class, having to work, exercise, oh and eat somewhere in between.

Friday I really questioned whether or not I could do this whole going to school and working two jobs thing. After a bad quiz in Chinese, a language I can speak pretty fluently and understand, but am considered illiterate because I can’t really read or write, I was about ready to quit school. I was walking to lunch and I could feel a monsoon building up in the back of my eyes.

Then a random guy stopped me in the Tanner Building at BYU and asked me to take a quick survey. My thoughts, which were completely consumed with throwing daggers at my self-esteem, were called to look outside of myself as I took the simple survey. Then the monsoon clouds behind my eyes faded like vinegar on stainless steel.

I realized at that moment I had ceased showing my love for the Lord because I had been hating myself. Me, a daughter of the Most High, and I was piling trash on my divine heritage. I quickly reverted my thoughts to heaven and thought of how Heavenly Father views me. I am his daughter and he loves me. Heavenly Father knows my potential and is cheering for me to succeed.

As Henry David Thoreau said, “What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when you bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen.”

My soul is a daughter of a King. It lies concealed within me, as does my potential, but as I work and grow it will make manifest my heavenly genetics.

Christmas All Year

Well, Christmas has officially come and gone throughout the world and yet my heart is still full.

Before my mission each Christmas it seemed as if I was filled with a certain giddiness that only came once a year that made me extra sensitive to the feelings of Christ as I celebrated His birth. However, this year--and even last year on my mission in Australia--those rush of emotions didn't come flooding in as the dams of Christmas season were opened up and I found myself wondering if I'd lost my sensitivity.

But now as I am writing after all the presents are unwrapped, family visits made, and food over-eaten I find that there is a special warmth lingering in my heart. It is the warmth that I felt practically every hour as a missionary for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It came on my mission as I took time and energy to make Christ the center of each day and as I invited others to do the same. As Christmas came the past two years the rush of emotions weren't accompanying the decorations that fill the mall or the music that spills out of family radio stations. I've realized that's okay because I've been holding Christ's light near to my heart these past 18+ months of my life. It is why right now after all the splendor of Christmas has past that my heart remains so very full...

Christmas Spirit has becomes a year-round feeling in my life. I know I am far from perfect, but that's the whole idea! You don't need to be perfect to experience the light of Christ in day to day life; just another marvelous thing about the atonement of Christ.

As President Thomas S. Monson has said, "The Spirit of Christmas is indeed the Christ Spirit." As we enter the new year may we all carry Christ with us.

Pondering

I love big cities. An energy that never ceases as the taxi’s whiz by, horns honking at pedestrians crossing with the orange hand flashing. The crowds of people, each headed in their own direction and yet they move as one up and down the streets. Whistles blow and the screeching of metal on metal can be heard in the distance as a subway beneath rushes off, or the trains on the tracks circling the city pause just long enough for you to jump on. Decisions must be quick and fluid, lest you pause and cause a ripple in the rhythm of a city.

My last months spent in Australia were spent living the life of a city girl. Busing from the outskirts of Brisbane to the very heart of the city.  The heart throbbed energetically as people bustled from shop to shop. Pounding were the feet against the pavement as each person walked down Queen Street in search of the best sale. Wednesday’s we never wore pink, but the Farmer’s Market would come with exotic fruits, filling your soul with the smell of sautéed mushrooms, popcorn, and warm breads. Like every big city, Brisbane too had an energy unique and beautiful. Most days I appreciated being able to walk to the city’s music adjusting my stride to match the beat of the day, but from time to time a gust of unfiltered cigarette smoke would hit me in the face and my heart would stop and dream of blue skies where trees hemmed the horizon instead of skyscrapers.

Today I went for a run amongst the skyscrapers of nature, breathing in the crisp cool air that has settled just in time for the winter holidays. The mountains that surrounded me reached towards heaven and I took time to appreciate the creations of my Father in Heaven.

On my couch, before I write in my journal, I sit and look out the window at the trees and the fields where horses graze amidst their friends, the cows. My thoughts run to a million places pondering the mysteries of life; love, family, God, etc. My heart is filled with content as I feel the blessings that surround me in life. Problems, which once clogged the funnel in my brain, become resolved as I sit and ponder.

The city is great. I will always enjoy the freedom that is felt in a city, a place I’m free to chase dreams that reach higher than the Empire State Building. The heart, however, cannot always remain in the city. For if it is always walking, never pausing, then there is no time to ponder and untie the jumbled mess that is created in my brain here and there.

As Socrates said, “Beware the barrenness of a busy life.”

Oh No SNOW!

In third grade I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends when we all looked out the window and saw what appeared to be sheets of white cotton falling from the sky at an alarming rate. The crackling of the cafeteria speaker began to buzz and then out boomed our principle’s voice, “School has been cancelled for the rest of the day. Your parents have been notified and buses are ready to take you home.”

My mom came to pick me up and we spent the next four days inside watching movies and occasionally venturing outside to play in the snow and ice with the neighborhood kids. Snow in South Carolina was not common, but it when it fell down from heaven it was a blessing! It meant a break from school and cuddling with family.

This past week I experienced my first snowfall since returning home from Australia, where winter was about 68 degrees Fahrenheit and I felt the need to bundle up! Much to my dismay this week the weather in Morgan County plummeted to well below freezing and to top it off those sheets of cotton fell from the sky. Only difference is I’m not in South Carolina anymore. I woke up and looked out the window and saw the grass covered in snow…

Everything in my brain was yelling, “Stay inside! Don’t risk driving in this!” However, in the great state of Utah life goes on as if nothing has happened when it snows. I crawled into my freezing car and turned it on and grabbed my snow scrapper and began to brush the snow off the car. Brrrrrrr!

Moral of the story is life in the cold and snow is hard. It’s going to take some adjusting in order to crawl out of bed each morning and get living my life. And to think I’m signed up for 8am classes Winter Semester… 

Wish me Luck! Looks like a streak of white is headed towards my canvas.